So, Johnny Depp’s in a bit of trouble for saying the following to describe having his photo taken in an interview with Vanity Fair:

“Well, you just feel like you’re being raped somehow. Raped… it feels like a kind of weird — just weird, man.”

OK, let’s go to the dictionary:

Definition of Rape:

1. An act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force.

2. Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent — compare sexual assault, statutory rape.

3. An outrageous violation.

4. Probably not something you would describe as “kind of weird – just weird, man.”

Depp will take photos with fans but “…whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it’s like — you just feel dumb. It’s just so stupid.”

As expected when celebrities wander off from their handlers and say something unfortunate, Depp quickly apologized:

“It was a poor choice of words on my part in an effort to explain a feeling… I understand there is no comparison and I am very regretful. In an effort to correct my lack of judgment, please accept my heartfelt apology.”

Depp’s demonstrated eloquence does reinforce just how painful his participation in these stupid photo shoots must be for someone who lives with his French model girlfriend Vanessa Paradis in homes in Los Angeles, New York, the Paris suburb of Meudon, and a village in the south of France. He also has an island in the Bahamas — to get away from it all.

In Depp’s defense, it’s possible the arrangement he made with Satan on the set of 21 Jump Street in 1988 requires that he periodically submit himself to the demon Naberius. His only warning of an impending visit is someone taking his picture. Thus, the more famous he becomes, the more often Naberius ravishes him and Naberius is a notoriously selfish lover. Perhaps this was just Depp’s way of crying out for help, but as God Himself would say, “Go home to your island with your model and stop whining.”