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Money, Money, Who’s Got the Money?…

Warren Buffett wrote an op-ed piece for The New York Times on August 14 in which he suggested members of a new congressional “supercommittee” looking at ways to balance the budget to “raise rates immediately on taxable income in excess of $1 million, and even more for those making more than $10 million.”

President Obama immediately agreed with Buffett’s argument. Mitt Romney immediately disagreed, trotting out the old Vaudeville act that high corporate tax rates is the primary motivator for businesses either not hiring or sending jobs overseas (this has also been said about minimum wage laws and employee health insurance benefits). You could remedy this, of course, with tax breaks that benefit those companies that invest in American jobs but who has time for that?

Romney had to say something but he’s on shaky ground contradicting Buffett. It’s not like the guy made his money starring in action movies or kicking field goals. He most likely knows a thing or two about the financial world. Romney’s entire campaign is that the country needs a president with both experience and proven results in the private sector. Buffett’s success in that area makes Romney look like the assistant manager at the local Shop Rite.

Of course, Romney’s position was the epitome of rationality compared to Michele Bachmann’s, who openly and unabashedly attacked Buffett at a campaign event in (of course) South Carolina — to borrow from “Kiss Me Kate,” GOP primary campaigns “open in South Carolina/We next play Texas/Then on to 1950/Lots of closeted gays in 1950!/Our next attack is illegal immigrants/That stingy, dingy menace…”

“We also believe, unlike Warren Buffett, that taxes are high enough already,” said Bachmann … “I have a suggestion. Mr. Buffett, write a big check today. There’s nothing you have to wait for. As a matter of fact the president has redefined millionaires and billionaires as any company that makes over $200,000 a year. That’s his definition of a millionaire and billionaire. So perhaps Mr. Buffett would like to give away his entire fortune above $200,000. That’s what you want to do? Have at it. Give it to the federal government. But don’t ask the rest of us to have our taxes increased because you want to have a soundbyte. We want to have real job creation in this country and that’s what we’ll stand for as fiscal conservatives.”

We might claim that taxes are “high enough” already but evidence — such as our crippling debt — might demonstrate otherwise. This brings us to the two separate views of how the U.S. taxpayer relates to the national budget deficit. There is the conservative view that the government is an employee of the U.S. taxpayer. In that scenario, it’s inappropriate for an employee to demand a raise just because he’s behind on the car payments for his Mercedes and, worse, has a $200-a-day cocaine habit that might result in his dealer breaking his legs if he doesn’t pay him on time. His employee’s debts aren’t his issue. But the country’s debts are our issue. They have a direct impact on us and our way of life, and thus stating “our taxes are high enough” is in many ways tantamount to saying that you’ve paid American Express more than enough already even if your credit card is maxed out.

However, Buffett is not suggesting everyone’s minimum payments be increased in order to reduce the credit card balance — just those in the best position to do so. The vast majority of our debt is attributible to our imperial presence in Iraq and Afghanistan (by the way, it’s wise to consider what caused the fall of the British empire). As Buffett points out, it’s usually the poor and middle class who sacrifice the most in blood for these wars. It would then be in the spirit of “shared sacrifice” for the wealthy to chip in more to pay for the tanks.

Bachmann should know that Buffett has already written a “big check.”  She also ignores the actual substance of Buffett’s editorial when she talks about the “redefinition” of “millionaire” and “billionaire.”

Buffett did not suggest no one could make more than $200,000. President Obama has said he wants Bush-era tax cuts for those individuals making more than $200,000 and families making more than $250,000 to expire after next year. But those people would not have to hand over every dollar made over $200,000, just a higher percentage of that income. And, if the Bush-era tax cuts expire, they’d have to hand over a higher percentage of money made on the stock market.

In 2009, roughly 2% of U.S. households had reported taxable income of more than $250,000. They earned 24.1 percent of all income, and paid 43.6 percent of all personal federal income taxes. Here again we have two separate views on wealth in the U.S. One side believes it’s unfair that 2% of households would earn 24% of all income. While the other side believes it’s unfair that those who earn just 24% of all income should pay almost half of all taxes.

Bachmann would “prefer to lower tax rates for the rich and broaden the tax base, making more Americans pay tax. Currently, nearly half of Americans – those at the lower end of the economic spectrum – do not pay income tax.”

If that’s the case, Bachmann is actually running on a “higher taxes” platform — just one that she would deem more equitable and, curiously enough, would affect more of her potential voters than Buffett or Obama’s proposal would. The only problem is that Americans at the bottom of the income ladder are arguably “too small to fail” — increase their taxes and you don’t cut into disposable income, you cut into basic survival. You might be able to reduce expenses in the former category (less iPods) but in the latter category (food, rent), you are less flexible, so then you might wind up running up debt, which would benefit credit card companies and banks (all those interest rates! All those fees!) and would result in healthy profits and bonuses for the executives at those companies who I’m sure will create jobs or re-invest in the economy or whatever else it is they do that makes things so neat for the poor.

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2011 in Capitalism

 

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Fun with Bert and Ernie…

Fun with Bert and Ernie…

There was a fairly silly online petition going around proposing that “Sesame Street” marry off Bert and Ernie. I found it silly because Bert and Ernie are not necessarily adult characters but a child’s fantasy of what it would be like to live with your best friend. However, the reaction to this mostly benign petition is even sillier.

“Sesame Street” released a statement on Thursday regarding the petition that struck me as defensive and misguided.

Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.

Peter Roff of U.S. News and World Report further reinforced the Sesame Workshop’s assertion that “puppets” do not have “sexual orientation.”

(Bert and Ernie) are funny, engaging characters who demonstrate to children that people—no matter how different they might be in temperament, likes, dislikes and personalities—can still be the best of friends. But they are also, as apparently has been lost on some people, Muppets—a combination marionette and foam rubber puppet invented decades ago—by the legendary Jim Henson and his wife Jane. Muppets are not people, and while they are in many cases gender specific they, as the Sesame Workshop felt compelled to point out Thursday, “Do not have a sexual orientation.” Nonetheless someone out there thinks they would be useful to further a point about sexual identity.

However, as writer MaryAnn Johanson points out, this retroactive neutering of the Muppets is demonstrably false.

But… Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are puppets, too, and yet they clearly have sexual orientations (not to mention the other more problematic issue of transspeciesism). And Kermit was originally a Sesame Street Muppet. And Elmo has parents, Mae and Louis. So clearly Sesame Street Muppets can have sexual orientation… as long as its hetero.

Johnson is correct and shines a light on one of the more insidious undercurrents regarding how many heterosexuals view homosexuals: They are defined by their sexual identity and that sexual identity is unsettling. Thus, Kermit and Miss Piggy’s relationship, a core component of most of the films and TV shows involving them, is both normal and appropriate for children. Bert and Ernie as a couple would, as Roff fears, “further the end of childhood innocence in America.”

There’s no logical reason why a child could comprehend a heterosexual couple more easily than a homosexual one. True, there is the relatability of a male and female couple but how much of that is a ramification of most children growing up in such an environment compared to its being a dominant image in books, TV, and film? Also, when children see a couple, their minds don’t generally move directly to what the couple does in the bedroom. Without their parents’ hangups influencing them, they would probably see a homosexual couple through the same lens as a heterosexual couple: Two people who live together and are a family.

Upon reflection, I think the petition’s goal was to show children that a gay couple is not just normal but is as capable of innocence as a heterosexual couple (I also found Miss Piggy’s romantic aggressiveness rather forward-thinking at the time). This is what Roff and others like him wish to deny gays, so they make the specious argument that if “Sesame Street” decided to make Bert and Ernie a couple, the show is suddenly no longer for kids. It’s essentially “Queer as Folk” in felt. Gays are nothing more than their sexuality, the deviant behavior the Bachmanns of the world wish to “cure.” Love, commitment, and family are all the province of heterosexuals.

The petition also makes the valid point that the “indoctrination” Roff fears is not a negative. If we believe that children are not simply sociopaths — I’m not entirely convinced — then we must understand that they are naturally inclined to mock what they don’t understand or what’s different. “Sesame Street” has for years played a part in minimizing those areas of ignorance. If Roff thinks that children are not “sophisticated” enough to be exposed to a gay couple, then what did he think of Christopher Reeve’s appearance on the show, during which Reeve explained his paralysis to Big Bird?

I have no issue with “Sesame Street” choosing to keep Bert and Ernie as heterosexuals. Frankly, the obvious jokes about their relationship was as tiresome and off-the-mark as the ones about Batman and Robin. It’s just unfortunate that the Sesame Workshop would have to fall into the even more tiresome and off-the-mark perspectives of homosexuality.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2011 in Pop Life

 

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S&P, O.J., and Tiger…

So, on Friday, Standard and Poor’s downgraded the U.S. credit rating from AAA to AA+ (along with a lesser reported scaling back of the nation’s fashion sense from “Fierce” to “Vacation Dad”). This should be a shock to no one remotely cognizant of the path the U.S. economy has been on since we decided to enter a post-Bill Clinton Bizarro World where up is down and reasonable taxes on the wealthy is bad while spending trillions (even in U.S. dollars, that’s a lot) on military quagmires apparently doesn’t count.

This revelation that the U.S. Empire has no cash can potentially “rock” the global markets… even though nothing has really changed. The country is as dysfunctional as it was on the Thursday before the announcement and the several thousand Thursdays before that. The closest analogue I can think of is when the story broke in November 2009 that Tiger Woods was cheating on his wife Elin Nordegren with… well everyone but me, it seemed. This punctured the myth of Woods’ squeaky clean image and everything quickly fell apart for him to the point that his financial state now is reportedly as perilous as America’s.

When news broke a few weeks ago that Tiger Woods had signed an endorsement deal to hawk a heat rub in Japan, it was hard not to think of “Lost in Translation,” or of the “Entourage” episode when Vincent Chase goes to China to do an energy drink commercial because he’s out of money.

Although Woods was likely paid in the single-digit millions for the spot — in which he takes a swing, rubs his back, and says, “Go Vantelin!” — it’s a far cry from campaigns for PepsiCo, Gillette, and Accenture. The last time Woods showed up in Japanese TV ads was in 1997, when he promoted Asahi Wonda coffee, back before he became a phenomenon. So the deal with Kowa (maker of the rub) seems more like a moment of desperation than a return to form.

It’s no secret that Woods, once king of the sports world, has suffered financially since his fall from grace. His endorsement list shrank and his marriage ended in a divorce settlement reportedly worth $100 million. But now he may actually be hurting for funds. At the very least, there are signs that he isn’t generating enough to comfortably cover his costs.

A true Faustian bargain: Tiger Woods could be the world's richest and most popular athlete but he'd have to marry and remain faithful to this woman.

Let’s contrast this to June 13, 1994 when O.J. Simpson most likely killed his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. Here you have a clear, pre-and-post murder line in the sand. On June 12, Simpson was the former athlete who starred in the “Naked Gun” movies and advertised cowboy boots in old comic books. On June 13, he brutally murdered two people. This can cast a pall on your enjoyment of his hijinks as Nordberg and shake your confidence in his recommendations for appropriate footwear.

America’s June 13 was December 12, 2000 when George W. Bush won — more or less —  the presidency. Prior to that date, the U.S.was riding high on the wave of Clinton-era prosperity… then we decided to go in another direction. Once the horrible act took place, it was hard to look at the U.S. the same way. The country still defiantly stuck around, claimed it was unjustly maligned, but no one cared to listen.

However, Woods apparently was always an adulterous rake — our eyes were just finally opened to the reality. Thus, the Standard and Poor’s downgrade is the SUV crash that exposes the U.S. economy for what it truly is.  In both instances, there were furious P&R spins and post-mortems. Remember how they trotted out the theory that Woods might be a sex addict, which is a B.S. diagnosis for a lifelong case of douchebaggery? The U.S. is equally addicted to doing everything that S&P claims caused the downgrade — partisan sniping and a pathological denial of how the economy works.

Unfortunately, unlike Woods, the U.S. has no interest in entering rehab — even if just for show. Nothing can tame this country’s arrogance and need to blame others for its ills. Has this country — by its own reckoning — ever done anything wrong? As expected, this weekend we got more of the same on the Sunday morning news Talking Points Swap Meets. Here is where we get out of Tiger’s SUV and hop into the slow-moving Bronco with O.J. Our destination is inexorable. And a Michele Bachmann presidency — heck, even just a GOP nomination — is about as pathetic an end to the American experiment as Simpson’s final fate.

But who knows, Japan might be interested in the U.S. shilling heat rubs for them.

 
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Posted by on August 7, 2011 in Political Theatre

 

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50 Candles…

50 Candles…

President Obama turned 50 on August 4 and the media celebrated by making every effort to utterly depress both him and anyone who happened to share the same continent.

From the Daily Times:

Obama turns 50 as gray hair betray political peril

WASHINGTON: US President Barack Obama turned 50 Thursday, marking a personal milestone that may offer only brief respite from a moment of political peril and rising threats to his bid for second term.

From the Guardian:

Barack Obama enjoys 50th birthday with burgers and banter

Barack Obama has not had much to celebrate in the runup to his 50th birthday, although he must wish his US poll ratings, currently 43% approval, outscored his years. But the US president, who in recent weeks has been battered by a debt standoff that ended with a deal no one liked, seems determined to enjoy the milestone.

“Determined” to enjoy the milestone? Is the Guardian suggesting he should just ignore his birthday? That’s not a politically viable option, as many Muslims do not celebrate birthdays (it’s considered a pagan tradition), which would just provide fodder for those who suspect he has a secret mosque in the White House basement (where George W. Bush kept the bowling alley). Is it really accurate that the guy with a loving wife and two beautiful kids does not have much to celebrate? Sure, his job sucks but that’s true of pretty much everyone who has a job. This is why the pagans or the Smurfs or whoever invented birthdays. It’s a time when you can reflect and say, “Yes, life is bad but at least there is less of it now.”

The New Post managed to link Obama’s birthday to the stock market plunge:

Obama celebrates 50th birthday on day stocks nosedive

WASHINGTON – President Obama celebrated his 50th birthday at the White House last night in celebrity-packed bash where revelers did the electric slide, on a night after Wall Street took steep slide of its own.

This somehow makes me think of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death” with Obama and his guests hiding from the recession at a gala ball but the recession shows up uninvited and bankrupts everyone.

FOX took it a step further with its headline: Obama parties with Chris Rock, Jay-Z and Whoopi while Rome burns. There were other guests — some of them even white — but it keeps to the narrative to call out the angry black guy, the rapper, and the black woman who is not Halle Berry.

Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus also took issue with the celebration:

“Right now our economy is in the ditch,” Priebus said, juxtaposing the pricey party against a national dilemma. He added the President is “in love with sound of his own voice.”

I have seen the adult film of Obama and his own voice on Cinemax (purely for research purposes, of course) and it was pretty filthy. So, according to Priebus, Obama is the only rich guy in America we can attack for enjoying life while the rest of the country feasts on stale ramen noodles without it being “class warfare.”

GOP presidential candiate Mitt Romney’s birthday tribute for Obama was a video detailing how he is basically worse for Chicago than Capone. The math is curious but apparently the 2% of policies that Obama manages to squeak past the Republicans is what’s destroying the nation.

Really, is this where we are now? We can’t let the guy celebrate his birthday? There’s no August 4th cease fire? Feuding nations do better than this.

Fortunately, the New York Times was able to put things in perspective:

CHICAGO — For many men, turning 50 can be a day of reckoning, marked by graying hair, a slowing step and the wistful recognition that you are probably never going to make it to the corner office. What could be better, at such a melancholy moment, than to celebrate at home, among old friends?

Geez! Is this a news article or “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”? This is worse than having dinner with a morose Jerry Seinfeld.

Mr. Obama, whose youth and relative inexperience were used against him in the 2008 election, has aged visibly, most noticeably in his hair color, now less salt-and-pepper than a generous dusting of salt. After two and a half years in which he soldiered through the Great Recession and sent a Seal team to assassinate Osama bin Laden, this president stopped seeming young a long time ago.

Yes, Obama won the presidency, steered the country through difficult economic times, and ordered the assasination of bin Laden but he still needs Just for Men and thus his entire life is a failure. I wonder how the author of this piece would teach history.

“So, Winston Churchill saved the world from Hitler but then he got fat and died, so what’s the point?” This would be similar to his lecture on Elvis’s impact on rock and roll.

Fortunately, the Business Insider knows how to celebrate a birthday and put together this slide show that allows you to watch Obama age before your eyes. Time to go roll up your trousers and hang yourself.

 
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Posted by on August 5, 2011 in Political Theatre

 

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Adventures in the Time Travel Closet: Episode Twelve, President Hillary..

This weekend, as I watched Obama and the Democrats — my least favorite 1950s-Kenyan-Muslim-socialist doo-wop group — get crushed worse than Baltimore against the Yankees, I wondered what Hillary Clinton, former presidential candidate and current Sue Storm impersonator, would say about how all this was handled.

Sure, it’s easy for Clinton to say this now but where was she three years ago when this insight might have been useful? If she had successfully punctured the naive optimism of the Obama Movement ™, would we have been spared the Tea Party, John Boehner, and worst of all, the constant references to Boehner’s skintone? The only way to find out is to take a trip in my Time Travel Closet (patent pending) and deliver Clinton’s message to the American voters of 2008.

(First, let me just clear some room for you in my Time Travel Closet, put aside some of these old Commodores records and Criterion Collection laserdiscs. OK, we’re all set… now back to 2008!)

And we’re back… so, what is the America of 2011 like in a Hillary Clinton Administration?

No Sarah Palin: Imagine three years of Sarah Palin on the world stage. Now imagine passing a kidney stone the size of Alaska for three years straight. Tragically, John McCain never gave us the option of going with the kidney stone when he selected then-Alaska governor Palin as his running mate in a blatant attempt to court disappointed female Democrats and Independents. The primary battle between Clinton and Obama had been contentious and there was serious concern regarding whether bitter Hillary supporters would swing their support to Obama in November or simply stay home or, worse, vote for McCain. After a brief surge in popularity, Palin crumbled under the relentless grilling of Katie Couric — the same woman whose tough interviewing skills brought down “Sesame Street” — and Obama carried the day. Unfortunately, Palin never left. She made reality shows and her children made reality shows. They are like the Barrymores if the entire family was less talented than Drew and their best effort was equal in quality to “Duplex.” However, if Clinton had secured the nomination, Palin would have remained in Alaska and both the world of politics and televised dancing competitions would be the better for it.

No Tea Party: A great deal of the Tea Party’s vitriol is directly related to the election of Barack Obama and the imaginary bogeyman they have constructed in his image. The left had issues with George W. Bush but they were connected to non-made-up things he did — unjustified wars and violations of civil liberties — rather than deranged rantings on talk radio and Fox News. Meanwhile, the Tea Party claims Obama is not a native of the U.S., a socialist, and a Muslim, all of which are demonstrably false and the latter is not even a negative but a Constitutionally protected right. Now an arguably racist and nativist reaction to the nation’s first black chief executive was not entirely unexpected but it is a reality that was perhaps overlooked in the Fantasy of Unity that voters were sold in 2008. Keep in mind that Clinton was the candidate painted as having too much “baggage.” Sure, Obama was the fresh-faced candidate but that face is still black and this is still America, a country whose states are united only in their division.

Granted, Glenn Beck would still have scribbled furiously on his chalkboard about Clinton’s ties to communism and murder but Clinton — much like Little Edie Beale — knows how to get dressed for battle. What’s especially interesting is that even the drivers of what Clinton famously referred to as a “vast right-wing conspiracy” prefer Bill Clinton to Obama:

Former GOP House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who prompted a government shutdown in 1995 after pushing to cut former President Bill Clinton’s budget priorities, yesterday blasted President Obama’s “arrogant, distant” political posturing during the current budget brouhaha.

“There’s no comparison between Obama and Clinton. Obama’s a very rigid, ideologically driven elitist. Clinton was a very practical, Arkansas, everyday politician who had worked very hard to move his party to the center,” Gingrich told the Herald last night.

“There’s also a difference in schmoozing,” Gingrich said of the two Democrats. “I have not talked to anybody who has been on the Republican side who has been impressed with Obama in private meetings. They all find him to be arrogant and distant and aloof.”

This could just be Gingrich praising one of his exes while in the process of divorcing yet another wife. He did once refer to Clinton’s presidency as the “rough equivalent of the Jerry Springer show.” However, Obama’s greatest achievement can’t be arousing hatred in his political adversaries so great that their contempt for the Clintons seems almost cordial.

And the Tea Party is not just an annoyance or fodder for Keith Olbermann. There are historical parallels to the period after Reconstruction known as “Redemption.” Political missteps from the “Radical Republicans” (not to be confused with today’s right-leaning Radical Republicans), combined with severe national economic problems, led to Jim Crow laws, poll taxes, literacy tests and other means to restrict minority voting rights and scale back any gains from Reconstruction. Not that we’d expect this to happen now.

World Remembers Clinton Years: It was unfortunate but perhaps necessary given the circumstances that Obama had to distance himself from the most successful Democratic president in 50 years. As part of his generally futile “reaching across the aisle” efforts, Obama often invokes Ronald Reagan. Republicans might love the Gipper but Obama bringing him up is about as effective as going up to people from the Westboro Baptist Church with their “God Hates Fags” signs and saying, “Judge not yest ye be judged.” It won’t work because you’re quoting Matthew and they’re batshit crazy. Besides, Republicans don’t go out of their way to praise Democratic presidents… well, I suppose unless they are comparing Obama unfavorably to them, which one could argue Obama is trying to do with Reagan. This is more depressing than constructive. Conversely, Hillary would not have had to run away from the positive aspects of the Clinton years and would have never let anyone forget for a second that the country was far better off during the Bill Clinton administration so why challenge her policies that are basically an extension of his?

But, alas, you can’t change the past… even with the Time Travel Closet (patent pending)… we must simply face the future we have, even if it is shaping up to be more “Mad Max” than “Star Trek.”

 
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Posted by on August 1, 2011 in Political Theatre

 

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Pelosi: Princess of Power…

I confess I was a little concerned about this whole debt-ceiling, default, financial ruin, Chinese overlords issue but fortunately, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi provided these calming words of reassurance in an interview regarding Oregon’s tiger-suited embarrassment David Wu:

“He’s resigning from office,” Pelosi said in response to a question from a Washington Post reporter. “So what we’re trying to do is save the world from the Republican budget; we’re trying to save life on this planet as we know it today.”  

Obviously, Pelosi can’t be bothered with this distracting, comic-relief b-plot when she’s busy gearing up to face off against the Death Star that is the Republican budget. Here I had mistakenly presumed this was all a petty partisan squabble with the nation’s economic health on the line but in reality, it’s something that’s previewed after the closing credits for “Captain America.”

Pelosi later referred to Speaker John Boehner’s plan to raise the debt ceiling as a “job-killer.” She apparently still thinks the U.S. has jobs. If that’s the plan’s goal, it’s wasting its time as much as a youth-sucking vampire stalking Larry King.

“If you believe in that the education of our children, the retirement of our seniors, the creation of jobs in a fiscally sound way, you couldn’t possibly vote for the bill that the Republicans are bringing to the floor today,” Pelosi said Thursday.

Wait, there’s a way to create jobs in a non-fiscally sound way? Is she referring to organized crime or the possible return of all those Internet start-ups from the late ’90s?

Regarding seniors, Pelosi claimed that if the Republican proposal passes, “You can just kiss Medicare goodbye.”

I’m afraid now that President Obama will have no choice but to pull a gun on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and demand that he convince Pelosi to “chill out.”

Meanwhile, freshman Republicans are also going bonkers: According to the Washington Post, Rep. Mike Kelly “handed out to colleagues blue-and-orange signs” with the Notre Dame’s football slogan, “Play Like a Champion Today.”

“Put on your helmets. Buckle your chin straps. Run out on the field. Let’s knock the shit out of them,” Kelly told the group.

So on the left, we have She-Ra who believes this is an epic battle between good and the Republican minions of Lord Hordak, and on the right, we have the callow frat boy who thinks this is a college football game. This reminds me of something Thomas Jefferson once said to James Madison:

“I say, the earth belongs to each of these generations during its course, fully and in its own right. The second generation receives it clear of the debts and incumbrances of the first, the third of the second, and so on. For if the first could charge it with a debt, then the earth would belong to the dead and not to the living generation. Then, no generation can contract debts greater than may be paid during the course of its own existence. Now… let’s go knock the shit out of them and save the planet. By the power of Grayskull!”

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2011 in Political Theatre

 

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Obama on the Bubble…

According to this USA Today article, President Obama’s “weekly ratings” have hit a record low. Google News had 6,010 results for “Obama ratings,” so I suppose it’s as important a measurement tool for Obama’s performance as the Nielsen ratings for TV and the weekend box office results for movies.

The question now is how to improve these numbers? Clearly, the debt-ceiling debacle has been a momentum killer, perhaps even a “jump-the-shark” plot line. If things don’t turn around, there’s a good chance Obama won’t be renewed next year.

Can this “on-the-bubble” administration be saved? Here are some options:

Replace Speaker Boehner: Obama needs a good antagonist, but John Boehner is as supercilious and unlikable as Frank Burns on “M*A*S*H.” When Burns left the series after the fifth season, his replacement was Charles Emerson Winchester III. He still gave Hawkeye a hard time but he was a competent surgeon and frequently demonstrated basic humanity, as opposed to the cartoonish Burns. Unfortunately, the only Republican from Massachusetts — where Winchester hailed — is Scott Brown and he’s a senator. Still, the former “Cosmo” model might have the appeal necessary to increase audience interest.

Bring Back Osama bin Laden: It turns out that killing bin Laden was a short-sighted May sweeps stunt. There was a brief spike in the ratings but now no one remembers or cares. Perhaps Americans realize the ongoing economic crisis is a greater and more immediate threat to their way of life than the machinations of a pornography-viewing madman… or they just could have incredibly short memories and are only ever aware of what’s happening three feet in front of them. Either way, you don’t knock off your star villain and not expect to lose a good chunk of your audience. Does anyone read those “Star Wars” novels that take place after Darth Vader dies? Imagine bin Laden returning from the grave for an epic confrontation in time for November sweeps? That’s entertainment.

Bring Back Bill Clinton: This guy is a ratings bonanza. He once had an approval rating of 73 percentafter being impeached on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. They actually rose 10 percent after his impeachment. Obama’s peaked at 60 percentafter ordering the successful killing of a terrorist mastermind. Only 30 percent of Americans wanted Clinton to resign after his impeachment. That’s just marginally more than the number of Americans who believed Obama was born in another country (no, really). Clearly, Clinton has star wattage.

The face of a time when the U.S. was at peace and had two nickels to rub together. So, that's when we impeached the president ... because I guess that makes sense.

More Tragedy and Romance: As Tolstoy said, “all happy families are alike… and deathly dull.” The highly rated Clintons provided plenty of salacious, soap-opera storylines. There were naughty interns and betrayed spouses. America couldn’t stop watching. Conversely, the Obamas are like the Huxtables but less funny. They should take a cue from David and Sherry Palmer on “24.” That was “Macbeth” with soul. The Obamas should also consider adopting another child — maybe Lindsay Lohan.

Let’s hope this helps. However, if America’s credit rating falls — actually less of a shocker given the national debt than the fact that it was ever deemed “top-notch” — Obama’s own ratings might not matter. Sort of like when Conan O’Brien left NBC for TBS. Expectations are revised.

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2011 in Political Theatre

 

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Corporate Patriotism…

Corporate Patriotism…

As the Supreme Court determined last year, corporations are people, and people sort of suck. Thus, it’s not surprising to learn that although the U.S. economy currently has the same stability as an advanced game of Jenga, corporations are raking in sufficient profits to build and stock their own money bins. And like Scrooge McDuck’s shrine to capitalism, the impact on the economy is not especially positive.

According to this AP article, despite strong second quarter corporate earnings, job growth is “moving kind of slow at the Junction” and wages are as stagnant as the crowd at a Pat Boone concert.

Wages and salaries accounted for just 1 percent of economic growth in the first 18 months after economists declared that the recession had ended in June 2009, according to Sum and other Northeastern researchers.

In the same period after the 2001 recession, wages and salaries accounted for 15 percent. They were 50 percent after the 1991-92 recession and 25 percent after the 1981-82 recession.

Corporate profits, by contrast, accounted for an unprecedented 88 percent of economic growth during those first 18 months. That’s compared with 53 percent after the 2001 recession, nothing after the 1991-92 recession and 28 percent after the 1981-82 recession.

Yeah, that’s peculiar. However, there is some logic behind the discrepancy. Corporations, despite their growing coffers, aren’t hiring and they aren’t raising salaries because there’s no need to remain competitive in a job market where no one’s hiring.

I should clarify that many companies are adding jobs overseas. This is often referred to as “optimization,” which is more correctly called “exploitation.” U.S. workers want living wages and health insurance. That does not help the bottom line. But wouldn’t it be a grand show of patriotism to take a relative profit hit and keep those jobs in the states? Instead companies employ a strategy straight from the “Animal Farm Guide to Corporate Management.” The spin is that companies have no choice but to cut these jobs in order to remain viable. Your colleague lost his job but you got to keep yours, right? And that’s why we also can’t increase your salary even though rent and groceries have increased. This is all necessary so that Farmer Jones doesn’t come back.

Meanwhile, the remaining employees trudge on like Boxer, striving to “work harder.” This was discussed in a recent Morning Edition on NPR. Much of these corporate profits stem from “relentless cost cutting” and increased productivity (e.g. one worker doing the job of two while making the same as he did three years ago). Of course, this business model — crafted in the same section of hell that creates abusive spouses — only works as long as employees have no shelter elsewhere. And though there might be some sinister logic in increasing profits by curbing “discretionary spending” (corporate speak for basic, cost-of-living raises that simply ensure you are not effectively making less than you did last year), Vulcan philosophy appears to peter out at the C-level, as evidenced by CEO pay inceasing 24 percent in 2010.

At Viacom, CEO Philippe Dauman got an impressive $84.5 million last year, or 1,990 times what the typical Viacom worker got. This assumes his workers make the $42,500 a year, on average, reported by the Bureau of Labor Statistics as the typical pay for employees in arts, design, entertainment, sports and media.

Dauman reduced Viacom’s workforce 7 percent (about 850 positions) in 2008. He did volunteer to not accept a pay increase in 2009, but he certainly made up for his year spent scavenging through trashcans and sleeping under the BQE by almost tripling his salary in 2010. Granted, that’s cigar-lighting money compared to what school teachers make, but it does seem a tad excessive for someone with a whopping 38 percent approval rating on Glassdoor.com. OK, I concede that this is based on only 13 reviewers but when you “optimize” your workforce, you also “optimize” your sample size.

You could take Dauman’s $50 million increase and give all 10,000 of his employees a $5,000 bonus (more than 10 percent of their estimated average salaries) or you could hire back the 850 employees he released (about $35 million) and still have a little more than $1,000 left for everyone (George W. Bush only sent me a check for $350 in 2001). Although “punishing” Dauman for his success this way would be quite a blow to the private jet and luxury yacht business, it would be a much-needed injection of cash into the gas, food, and lodging industries.

This is in itself pretty appalling but what’s worse is many of our elected officials would sacrifice your own children — certainly not theirs — on the altar of Baal to preserve tax cuts for people like Dauman, who by accepting such a salary adjustment demonstrated that either he can’t do math, in which case he shouldn’t even be a CEO, or that his soul evaporated around the same time as M. Night Shyamalan’s talent.

 
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Posted by on July 25, 2011 in Capitalism

 

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Forever Marilyn…

Almost 50 years since her death, Marilyn Monroe still cannot escape exploitation or bad likenesses of her presented as art (a motley crew that includes Catherine Hicks — yes, the mom from “7th Heaven” — and Mira Sorvino — yes, Mira Sorvino).

New Jersey sculptor J. Seward Johnson Jr.’s Forever Marilyn is currently on display on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. It is large, obvious, and tacky — everything Marilyn was not — and has so far proven to be the biggest magnet of mediocrity since the creation of the reality TV genre.

An article in the Chicago Tribune describes a throng of “tourists hugging her legs and voyeurs young and old unabashedly shooting upskirt photos on their iPhones.” While this would be rude if the 26-foot statue were a living, breathing entity, it is distinctly irrational and borderline insane behavior when you consider that the statue is an inanimate object.

The statue is based on a famous scene from Marilyn’s 1955 film, The Seven Year Itch. After the range she displayed as the femme fatale in Niagara (1953) and the comedic chops demonstrated in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and How to Marry a Millionaire (both also 1953), her role is a bit of a come-down. She is the unnamed “girl” who symbolizes the tempation Tom Ewell’s character experiences during a sweltering New York City summer. However, unlike the previously mentioned films, its success is solely attributable to her, as she embues it with the classic Marilyn Monroe persona.

When I saw the scene within the full context of the film, I was moved by Marilyn’s sensitivity. Could anyone else see “Creature from the Black Lagoon” and identify with the monster? “He was kind of scary looking,” she concedes, “but he wasn’t really all bad. I think he just craved a little affection.” This consideration for the outcasts in all of us is what separates Marilyn from all the knock-offs who dress up as her at costume parties. Unfortunately, they probably have only seen the clips of the scene that begin with her hopping on the subway grate and making history. Viewed without this glimpse into her heart, she’s just a tart, desperate for attention from a man. A spontaneous display of innocence is now interpreted as calculated seduction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGlu06VDCdU

My issue is not with the sculpture itself but with the public’s reaction to it — the lack of respect and the desire to consume. It is an unfortunate reflection of what happened to Marilyn in life. I’m not sure if that was Johnson’s intent but his official statement does encourage people to “…come close and actually touch” the statue.

“There is something about her pose; the exuberance for life without inhibition, which is quintessentially American. It expresses an uninhibited sense of our own vibrancy.”

However, “life without inhibition” could describe Madonna at best or the cast of “Jersey Shore” at worst. Neither is truly Marilyn, but I suppose I should thank Johnson for the resulting performance art the statue has generated and its comment on our society. For example:

Expect to see these guys involved in whatever version of a “sexting” scandal will exist thirty years from now.

Uncertain as to what he’s celebrating. He was photographed between the legs of a statue. Is that the silver or bronze?

I presume this woman is attempting to recreate Marilyn’s famous pose — but without the skirt and with the regrettable side effect of looking like she’s about to relieve herself in the statue’s presence.

Forever Marilyn is scheduled to remain in Chicago’s Pioneer Court until the spring.

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2011 in Pop Life

 

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The Victims of Equality…

On July 24, gays in NY will have the ability to legally marry whoever they choose and in the process deny innocent citizens of their God-given right to deprive them of this basic bit of dignity. I suppose when you don’t think about it very hard, it is a tragedy.

The New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedoms group — a curious name for an anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage organization but there were no runners in Dexys Midnight Runners, either — has set up a self-styled “Courage Fund” for victims of marriage equality, which includes Laura Fotusky, a town clerk in Barker N.Y., who resigned rather than violate her religious beliefs by signing a marriage certificate for a gay couple. Apparently, this is Laura Fotusky’s House of Marriage Licenses (“ask for them by name!”) and gay unions are the Chinatown knock-offs that will devalue her brand.

Gays are apparently not satisfied with robbing Fotusky of all the glitz and glamour associated with her high-stakes position as a town clerk for someplace I just learned about today. They have also targeted Granby NY clerk Ruth Sheldon and Barbara MacEwen, who graciously stated that she didn’t mind her office issuing the licenses to gays, she just didn’t want to sign the designer imposter certificates.

The “Courage Fund” however is set up to protect these individuals who face the hardship of losing their jobs beause they don’t wish to do their jobs:

The New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedoms website says that the fund exists to “assist courageous municipal clerks and other people of conscience in New York State who oppose same-sex ‘marriage’ from harassment, denial of rightful promotion, or unfair termination for invoking New York State law protecting their sincerely-held religious beliefs.”

Rosemary Centi, another NY clerk who is resigning, has performed “hundreds” of wedding. She told The NY Post’s Andrea Peyser that “I am Catholic… my definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. It is a sacrament.”

Centi is under the mistaken impression that she was performing a religious service. This was a legal contract, and if she performed hundreds of these “sacraments,” there had to have been some stinkers in there: Twentysomething model marrying decrepit millionaire on life support; embezzling hedge fund manager tying the knot with his assistant so she won’t have to testify against him at the trial; anything involving Kelsey Grammer. Did she investigate any of these couples to ensure they were worthy of her? Or is it merely that heterosexual unions, while ocassionally going wrong, have the potential to be great and homosexual unions, by definition, do not.

“I have a number of friends whom I adore” who are gay, Centi told (Peyser). “I respect an individual’s right to live their life however they chose to do.” She paused. “So I would expect the same courtesy.”

Is this really the moral conundrum people are making it? Gays don’t care what Centi thinks of gay marriage. They don’t care that she chooses to resign her job rather than perform a gay marriage. And they probably don’t care that the “number” of gay friends Centi has is either a dubious assertion or cast members on “Project Runway.” Put this way: If Centi were a vegan, those of us who eat meat would respect her choice. If she worked at McDonald’s and they suddenly started serving actual meat, we would not have an issue with her finding another line of work. We would have an issue if she kept her job but refused to make the burgers.

Bronx DJ Clifton McLaughlin also refuses to make the burgers. In Peyser’s piece, he says he won’t spin the slow jams at a gay wedding.

“This is based on God’s law,” McLaughlin told (Peyser). “There is no way man can come with his own law.”

I think he also overstates his role here. The DJ is not one of the twelve apostles. He’s the entertainment. Also, there’s a good chance he’s worked at a mob daughter’s wedding. As long as he doesn’t play the “Electric Slide,” God will not judge him for his participation.

The Wildflower Inn turned away a lesbian couple recently because the innkeepers did not allow same-sex weddings on the site. Perhaps the misperception here is that you have to attend every wedding held at your space or even like the people who are giving you business. This is a more clear-cut violation of public accomodations laws, so I anticipate the owners Jim and Mary O’Reilly being sued into the Phantom Zone.

Peyser and the New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedoms (*just not yours) lament the apparent inability of people to enjoy freedom of religion in their own state. Granted, if your religion included illegal activities (e.g. ritual sacrifice or line dancing), you could not hide behind your faith in those instances. And in their rush to drape themselves in the cloth of civil rights terminology (i.e. “concientious objectors”), they should take the time to read their history and see that such acts never came without sacrifice. Their wish to defy the law without consequence or discriminate without repudiation is a rather craven fantasy.

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in Political Theatre

 

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