As Dave Barry used to say, “I am not making this up”:

LOS ANGELES — A woman shot pepper spray to keep shoppers from merchandise she wanted during a Black Friday sale, and 20 people suffered minor injuries, authorities said.

The incident occurred shortly after 10:20 p.m. Thursday in a crowded Los Angeles-area Walmart as shoppers hungry for deals were let inside the store.

This is terrible. Why would anyone shop at Wal-Mart?

Police said the suspect shot the pepper spray when the coverings over the items she wanted were removed.

“Somehow she was trying to use it to gain an upper hand,” police Lt. Abel Parga told The Associated Press early Friday.

He said she was apparently after some electronics and used the pepper spray to keep other shoppers at bay.

What a fitting way to celebrate Thanksgiving: After a nice, warm meal with friends and family during which you give thanks for all that you have, you immediately take off for your local retail store to buy more things (on sale!) for which you can be thankful. It recalls the story of the first Christmas when Mary pepper-sprayed Joseph so she could stampede the Wise Men in order to grab their frankincense and myrrh.

I know Megyn Kelly believes pepper spray is a food product but I’d prefer you douse me with egg nog or even some mulled wine when putting me down so you can get the last iPod Touch the store has until it orders more the next day.

In honor of Black Friday and the “big commercial racket” that Linus van Pelt correctly predicted Christmas becoming, let’s listen to Madonna’s “More,” which will soon replace “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” as a holiday standard.