Odds are your Facebook friends & neighbors fall into the following groups:
Actual Friends: These are people you see regularly off-line or would if you lived in the same city. Your ability to connect with out-of-state friends whom years ago you might have lost touch is one of the great boons of Facebook. They read your posts, comment on them, like your poorly shot photos. They amount to roughly 2% of your Facebook friends.
Facebook Luddites: They are the people who claim to “never use” Facebook, which is perfectly fine if they could ever leave it at that. However, they always have to add the codicil, “because I’m so busy” or “I just don’t have the time for it.” You might feel guilty about wasting time on Facebook if the Luddite had anything to show for his or her discipline — like a cure for some disease or even a nice piece of woodwork. And even if they weren’t snide about their non-use of Facebook, you should probably still un-friend them because they don’t add anything to the service. I’ve received more personal responses from the rare celebrity Facebook pages I follow (oh, Liza!) than I have from the Luddites.
Facebook Narcissists: These people believe Facebook exists as a public service to allow the world to closely follow the intimate ups and downs of the dysfunctional roller coaster that is their existence. They actively solicit — nay, demand! — feedback and positive reinforcement on their posts but rarely if ever comment on anything you post. You’re probably giving them a pass because they might just not understand how Facebook should work, but most likely they are this way in real life, which no one needs. A small number of these narcissists will find the time to acknowledge your existence as an autonomous individual separate from them and actually “like” the fact that you just got married or moved or found a new job. Keep them around if you wish.
Facebook Bullies: This is perhaps the most curious group. They only ever comment on your posts to disagree with you or your other friends or to mock you and your other friends. We get it, you don’t like Downton Abbey or Sherlock or whatever everyone else is discussing. You find the Buzzfeed quizzes silly. Let it go. Spirited debate is grand but drive-by attacks are pointless. Facebook Bullies also make your other friends think you collect jackasses as a pastime. Get this evil out of your swamp.
Facebook “Friend” Requests…
I’ve noticed a Facebook trend where people will post a simple question or request advice and follow that up with a lengthy codicil that basically pleads, “Don’t be an asshole” E.g.: “I’m going to my cousin’s wedding in Tampa. Anyone have any hotel recommendations? Please no comments about how Florida is a cesspool that’s not fit for human habitation.” Or “I’m attending a work conference in Austin, Texas. Any ideas on vegan friendly meal options there? Please no comments on how vegans are patchouli-smoking hippies and I’m wasting my time by going to Texas and not eating a big steak or enjoying the local barbecue.” Or “I have tickets to a Rolling Stones concert. Has anyone gone to a big stadium show before? When’s the best time to arrive? And any tips on parking to avoid the crush when the show lets out? Please no comments on how Mick Jagger is an undead mummy and that the Stones best work was over before I was born and how arena shows are absurdly expensive.” Is this what the Internet has done to us? We can’t just answer someone’s question without unsolicited, meanspirited commentary? Or just not say anything at all? And the requests aren’t paranoid, because we’ve all read the threads where people are, basically, assholes.
Posted by Stephen Robinson on August 1, 2015 in Social Commentary
Tags: Facebook